In Marriage? Yes, “Come Out From Among Them and be Separate, Says The Lord” – Part 4
Friday, June 4, 2010
Christian parents, ours is the obligation in Christ to love, instruct and protect our children from courtships and marital relations with the unsaved. This instruction cannot wait until our children enter their teenage years, because by then they will have adopted cultural norms of unrestrained courtship based on things of the flesh rather than separating from the non-covenant people of the world. Preteen children must be led to understand that saints in covenant relationship with Christ are commanded to, “Come out from among them and be separate”, according to 2 Corinthians 6:17 This command forbade ancient Israel from marital covenants with peoples not belonging to God. This is how the command was stated in Deuteronomy 7:2b-4, “You shall make no covenant with them…Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the Lord will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly.” Does that leave any doubt about God’s view on comingling His people of faith with people of this world? Not at all; God was very serious about it then and He remains unchanged today. Saints are God’s holy covenant people set apart unto God; and the comingling of that holy seed was then and is now strictly forbidden.
The New Covenant command is stated this way, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 The holy seed of redeemed believers may not be mixed with the unbelieving seed of people from the world. But note that since Christ this has nothing to do with national, Jew or Gentile, ethnic or inter-racial boundaries but has everything to do with honoring God by keeping our covenant marriages between Christ’s redeemed believers. Dads and moms, [and in that order] here our commitment to Christ is vital with obligation to shoulder in sincere prayer, godly leadership and the training up of your children from an early tender age. There is absolutely no substitute for the counsel of God’s Word in this matter. I’ve seen many marriages end in divorce because one or both didn’t resolve to honor Christ. And that fuels the example for the children who are then likely to keep that cycle of destruction alive. But children must be led to know what God expects of them and their future spouses long before they are ready for courtship. Here’s why.
God said, “I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel, and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment, says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.” Malachi 2:16 A man divorcing his wife is equal to covering himself in violence, because he makes both his wife and children destitute and no longer provided for. There is only one condition in which God allows for divorce as taught by Christ when He said, “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.” Matthew 5:32 Therefore, excluding marital infidelity God does not allow for divorce; and in this we must protect our children. From a tender age if children are taught in love the godly principles of courtship and marriage they are given a firm foundation upon which to build godly relationships. But if parents wait to instruct until the youthful hormones of desire begin raging, we create a nearly impossible and challenging situation for ourselves that will probably bear fruit to great hurt and broken faith.
The best safeguard we can build in our children’s lives is for them to know and hold steadfast the divinely appointed truths of God’s Word about courtship and marital relationships. In that regard the Holy Spirit provides a rule of headship with lines of authority and the sooner we accept those lines of authority the sooner our children will see them lived out in living color. God’s structure goes like this: “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3 This means that:
- The man in the courtship or marital relationship must come under the headship and rule of Christ; that’s priority number one! Here’s why: it obeys the structure set by God in that it’s the godly man’s responsibility to teach, instruct and lead his betrothed or wife, whichever the case, in the things of God’s will, righteousness and truth, that their relationship from inception, be pleasing to God.
- The woman in the courtship or martial relationship must come under the headship and rule of man; that’s priority number two! Here’s why: it obeys the structure set by God in that it’s the godly woman’s responsibility to accept the godly man’s teaching, instruction and leadership in the things of God’s will, righteousness and truth, that their relationship from inception, be pleasing to God.
Now, get these biblically ordained structures out of order and you have an immediate receipt for failure. If the man rejects that his head is Christ he will produce failed leadership to the woman who will most likely reject that her head is man, which yields fruit to both vying for leadership, and this while the children watch and learn…and that’s very displeasing to God. Note rather:
- “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
- “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.”
- “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.”
- “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
The above from Colossians 3:18-21 sets the order for the family unit. Remove the father’s godly leadership and what remains is the woman “wearing-the-pants”. For since the fall of man God said to her, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Genesis 3:16b If the man is removed or rescinds his headship, the woman by God’s judgment desires the position she once held, bearing fruit to dysfunction of the family unit…and all the while children learn.
The 20th century to present is incalculably responsible for the disintegration of the family unit due to Lucifer’s wars that have ravaged homes of husbands and fathers, leaving the wives and children to often fend for themselves. War and divorce have forced many women into dual roles and has consequently fueled the fiercely independent women’s movement, even hostile to man’s leadership. Many reject the God-ordained structure of the home because few are submitted to the Word of God. Want proof: in the Christian church the separation and divorce rate is equal to that of people of the unsaved world. That truth speaks of a spiritual poverty in the church. Mend the rearing of children in godly fear and reverence and we’ll mend the divorce rate in the church. But that requires an enduring commitment by both man and woman to receive the rule of the Son of God. Make no mistake, we must “Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord.” For the love of all things eternal, let’s give ourselves in obedience to His commands. Amen.
In Christ Jesus,
Marlin J. Yoder